Month: May 2005

I’m getting more excited about our return to Portland. Part of me wishes we ended up out in the country, closer to where my recording studio is. One goal is to spend more time doing music, so that would have been a natural way to go about it. Indeed, there was a 2-bedroom apartment that opened up next door to the studio; it turned out I was 2nd in line to get that place, and the 1st person in line wanted it. Ah well.

But returning to Portland makes sense. I like Portland. I miss walking through Portland. And, we’ll have off-street parking, which removes the biggest hassle at living in Portland. I won’t have to worry about moving my car during snow parking bans. This is clearly a good thing.

Plus, it means that we’ll elminate about 200 miles per week of commute drivetime, as my wife and I will each be able to walk, ride, or bus to work. Driving less is in itself a good thing, but another benefit is that whoever is home with Mo will have a car to go Do Stuff. And I’ll still drive to the studio at least twice weekly, a 30 minute drive rather than a 20 minute drive. So in the end, I think it’s worth it.

In the end, we’ll drive less, and I’ll be more free to go to the studio. This rocks.

There has been an incredible buzz around Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

One of the stories is that those accursed Pirates™ (arrr, matey!) have leaked a bootleg of the film to the Internet. And, of course, given the
increasingly
desperate
tactics
used recently by the
MPAA, there was not-so-thinly veiled outrage at these vicious criminals marauding the virtual high seas.

Despite these “crimes,” Revenge of the Sith broke the single-day record for film revenues. This movie, despite the fact that pirated copies exist and are easily obtainable online, sold more tickets in 24 hours than any other movie, ever.

When will the Intellectual Property fascists realize that enclosing Intellectual Property is not the answer? That imposing technologies that preemptively control the behavior of individuals, before any “crime” is committed, is not only unneccesary but ineffectual? This film’s success is yet another counterexample to the claim that Internet Piracy™ just isn’t the problem that the corporate studios claim it is.

Another piece of buzz about this film is that many have noticed similarities between the rhetoric of Darth Vader/Emperor Palpatine and George W. Bush. There are many responses I have to this comparison.

First, and most obviously, this story was conceived nearly 30 years ago, in the aftermath of Nixon, Watergate, and the Vietnam War. Though specific dialogue has been written recently, and all writing comes from a context, one cannot conclude that Lucas is intentionally making potshots at the BuShites.

Second, and to shift gears a bit, well let’s just say “if the shoe fits…” This is not an attack on any individual, not even George W Bush, but the fact remains that the rhetoric behind the actions of the BuShites is similar to the rhetoric behind the actions of Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader. So this is not really a personal attack, but a semantic analysis of their thinking and utterances.

Third — and this is the crux of the issue — the Star Wars stories, like Lord of the Rings, exist in a world where Good and Evil are easily defined. There are archetypes of both good and evil embodied in specific characters that exist in the story, though at least in Star Wars there is some question about what is right and morality being perspectival. My point, though, is that one cannot collapse George W. Bush into the same evil archetype as Emperor Palpatine or Darth Vader. It just isn’t the same; one exists in a real world in which a staggeringly huge interconnected network of real people making real choices; the other is the figure of evil in a piece of fiction.

This is not so much a defense of George W. Bush — it seems clear to me that history will regard him as a criminal at the very least — but rather a claim that focusing one’s perception of Evil™ onto only one man is incredibly narrow. Again, this is not to say that the BuShites aren’t evil, but rather that the presence of evil in politics is much larger than this one man, no matter how much his rhetoric resembles that of the Evil Archetype in the most successful movie franchise in history.

The outrage against Bush that has existed since the 2000 election needs to be examined more closely. If you don’t like Bush, examine what it is about him that you don’t like, and then take a closer look at American history. His Evil™ is hardly new, it’s just more foregrounded than ever before.

Well, I was thrown a bone of concreteness today. We got the apartment in Portland, we’ll be moving on the 31st. This is good. I’m eager to return to Portland, in a place that I won’t have to move away from in a few months.

I had a good long conversation this morning with one of my best friends in the world. It was good. He and I have been there for each other in ways that are beyond measure. And it always seems to help us when we process in this way. One thing, through the past several weeks, my friends and my community have been solid as a rock, an anchor in the storm, etc etc. Words fail, but gratitude does not.

In other news, our dear friend JG is back in the hospital with abdominal issues again. Keep her in your prayers. She is a strong bird, and she’s literally scrapped and clawed, crawling back literally from death’s door, but this is clearly a setback. So send JG some good healing abdominal energy, as well as the people closest to her who have been through enough anguish over the past year and a half.

The world feels somehow lighter today. This is good.

I have been told — recently, though I’ve been told before — that I must be “swimming in energy” all the time. That’s sort of true, particularly over the past year. By this, I mean that I am sensitive to all sorts of subtle energies around me, this includes being an empath, sensitivity to emotions around me, as well as sensitivity to Ki/Qi/Chi that I’ve written about here before. This is kind of funny to me in a way; I remember being told by some hardcore feminist separatist witchlet many years ago when I was first getting into paganism that I was headblind, a term that means something close to “utterly oblivious to energy.”

Anyway, this is not necessarily the best condition to be in after the past 2 weeks. There have been lots of emotions, lots of negativity, lots of suffering within myself and all around me, most of it caused directly and indirectly by me. I’m still working my way through this emotional space. The overwhelming negative emotion for me is sadness, with tinges of anger under it, though the anger seems to be subsiding much more quickly and easily than the sadness. And I’m still not quite sure what to do with it. I’m trying very hard not to plunge headfirst into a sea of depression with this; I sometimes feel like I’m on autopilot, moving through the day-to-day tasks of my reality in some anhedonious haze. Swimming in anti-energy, almost.

Yet, I know there is so much joy to experience in living. And I just want to be able to experience this joy again without feeling bogged down by this depressive weight. I think it will take time to let these emotions move through me.

I keep trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, and I’m trying to cling to the vision that when I emerge from this dark forest, the light will be bright and beautiful. I just don’t want to fall asleep under some gloomy yet somehow inviting tree trunk.

Clearly, I need to find my inner Tom Bombadil, to tell off Old Man Willow and rescue my inner hobbit from the clutches of this situation:

Tom sprang away, and breaking off a hanging branch smote the side of the willow with it. ‘You let them out again, Old Man Willow!’ he said. ‘What be you a-thinking of? You should not be waking. Eat earth! Dig deep! Drink water! Go to sleep! Bombadil is talking!’ He then seized Merry’s feet and drew him out of the suddenly widening crack.
–Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings

So the search for Merry continues…

Looks like the new Vatican administration is choosing as wisely as one could expect for it’s new “church enforcer.” It is the American archbishop William Levada of the San Francisco archdiocese who will head up the “Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith,” which is what used to be called the Holy Office of the Inquisition. The same post that Ratzinger held before he became pope.

Now, this says a lot, mostly within the context of the pedophile priest crisis in the US. Levada was one of the key figures in the American Catholic Church’s response to the sex abuse; he was widely praised for “deftly handling” the church’s evasion of responsibility or accountability for this tragedy.

And now, this guy has the highest Vatican post ever by an American. It would have been easy for the new Vatican administration to show how it feels about this situation; it is hardly the case that an American would be an obvious choice for such a high post. Indeed, this post is unprecedented for an American.

So in the wake of this pedophilia scandal, this just reinforces how distant the Vatican — and by extension the Catholic church — is from the cold, brutal, psychologically and spiritually damaged reality of priesthood in the US.

…happened to me today.

1. We found a new place to live. See previous post.
2. I got the new album, Deadwing by Porcupine Tree. Great album.
3. Freakwitch got a gig. We’ll be opening the Guitar Therapy Tour with The Mike Keneally Band and The Alex Skolnick Trio at The Asylum in Portland on Wednesday, June 15th. We’ll be playing early, at around 7pm, probably a brief set, like 30minutes. Very cool, but I have no hope at outplaying any of these guys on guitar. Good thing I believe in our songs.

There was also a fourth thing, but time will tell if it was good or not.

Well, it would appear that we are destined to return to Portland. We found a decent apartment within our price range in Portland, on Munjoy Hill near the Eastern Prom. It has off-street parking, a cool yard, and is in walking distance from a lot. I miss walking in Portland. This will give me a chance to walk in different parts of it.

Indeed, it is time for some Urban Ranger to go with the Shovelglove and the No-S Diet…

It’s been light on the blogging front here on JWL.Freakwitch.net. It’s been one of the most intense 10 days of my life. I won’t go into details here, but suffice to say my attention has certainly been elsewhere recently.

But the immediacy of that situation is now behind me. For now. So it’s a matter of recovery, re-entry into my life, into my created reality, with new lessons learned and a new resoluteness. One thing that has become clear to me is that my own happiness must take a higher priority. My immediate goal, apart from just grounding all the various (like all-over-the-map, the full spectrum) emotions of the past week, is to cultivate opportunities for me to be happy. And this resoluteness extends to all facets of my life. One thing this time has shown me is just how important parts of my life are.

So for now, I will try to throw myself back into the things that need my attention: my body (shovelglove and NoS are going very well, btw), my family and my music.

Speaking of music, for those readers who want to hear a closer idea of what the Freakwitch album will sound like, I present a rough mix of Sway. This still isn’t finished, but it’s the closest thing to finished that we have at the moment. There are several tracks on the heels of this one. Watch this space.

“Why so hard?” the kitchen coal once said to the diamond. “After all, are we not close kin?”

Why so soft? O my brothers, thus I ask you: are you not after all my brothers?

Why so soft, so pliant and yielding? Why is there so much denial, self-denial, in your hearts? So little destiny in your eyes?

And if you do not want to be destinies and inexorable ones, how can you one day triumph with me?

And if your hardness does not wish to flash and cut through, how can you one day create with me?

For all creators are hard. And it must seem blessedness to you to impress your hand on millennia as on wax.

Blessedness to write on the will of millennia as on bronze — harder than bronze, nobler than bronze. Only the noblest is altogether hard.

This new tablet, O my brothers, I place over you: Become hard!

— Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols